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Thursday, September 25, 2014

Living with a ghost

Hello my old friend.
Yes I feel you
Lurking in the shadows, the darkness, the depth
I hear you
Silently pleading beckoning me to give in

How odd is it you alone have always remained
Through the tears,and laughter always the same
Everyday I hear your voice calling against the wind
"Give up, give in, it's over why try again? " 

I smile against the pain 
Every syllable a razor blade
"You've never been loved, you never will. A waste of flesh is all you are."

Why do I bother ?
Why do I fight?
In the end I know you will always be right.
"The world is better if you just fade away. Think of your loved ones why do you hurt them by staying?"

Yet fight you I must day in and day out.
Trying and praying some day I'll figure this out.
Along side me you stay.
Whispering encouragement everyday
"There will always be someone better than you. You'll never be good enough. Just give up."

How odd is the comfort I find in your voice
Knowing you're right
But fighting with all of my force.
If the only thing I ever succeed in in life
Is silencing you by refusing to die

Then my dark friend
Depression I win
So I close my eyes on yet another night