Monday, December 15, 2014
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Monday, December 8, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Friday, August 15, 2014
If life is a reflection what side of the mirror do we own?
Through the looking glass they say is where the answers always lay.
Yet if the outside is really the inside and the inside is the out then through the looking glass is where you stand when you look about.
Pondering, quandering, the meaning of it all .
What if that mirror should have a little fall?
Take away the view point.
Mix it up a bit.
Shake away solidity, see what really fits.
Your reality is a fallacy. Sane thought just emotion but emotion is empathy hiding behind devotion.
What if there was no fear?
No one left to feel alone because all that separates is dissolved, gone.
Man is not the essence of the skin which they are in but the skin is what separates man from the win.
Shake up that looking glass, break down the wall, see life as a blind man or accept you see nothing at all.
~from the wind once again~
Thursday, May 1, 2014
If you would have told me three years ago one of my main characters would soon meet me in real life I would have called you a lunatic. This is a character I loved. Everything about her, from her laugh, to her step, to the sparkle in her eyes I dreamt. Agh but here I am post meet. More appropriate, post destruction. Now with a heavy heart I must decide will she live in immortality beneath my pen or will she die.
For those of you anxiously awaiting book 2 this is the problem. It is written but then my words came alive and my heart, my sweet beautiful brain child, betrayed me. So without giving anything away I must ask you, my readers, is there a character from book one you could not part with? Please comment help me out here. The sting of the real life event has left me incapable of even looking at the name again. Maybe with time.what are your thoughts?
Monday, April 14, 2014
In doubt, brokenness, weakness
Another finds strength, courage
Evidence of the divine.
How is it so
A shattered, lost soul
Gives light to the darkness of mankind
Seek not immortality
For existence is infinite
Seek not love
For love is in being
Give freely yet withhold or no
Pieces will remain
Lift the fallen
Even when strength no longer
Does the darkness save the light
The light extinguish the darkness
Or do they simply dance
Hand in hand
Existing in the end
Where one ends the other begins
In saving the lost
The lost save themselves
When the broken
Are reminded even they are
Friday, April 4, 2014
What do you expect
What do you want me to say
There is no telling you what's wrong
You don't deserve the satisfaction
Of hearing be say
I lost my best friend
My world felt like it came to an end
Of course you expect me to try it again
The day we took our wedding vows your mistress was still in grade school
The hundreds of dollars spent pampering her don't hurt that bad
Mind you the kids and I struggled alone but we valued everything we had
The endless lies stung a bit
But those are to be expected when a man tries to cover his own shit
It's the stolen moments
The look in your eyes
The taking her out just to leave me behind
Still today it's the exact same
No dinner dates
No nights at the club
No steamy hotels
Just the emptiness of all the promises broken
Not a lover or a friend just a person with a ring as a token
I didn't win the superbowl
Unless it was the champion of the fools
She'll always be your heart your precious jewel
Why won't you leave me alone
I don't need company
I am perfectly happy just being me
I can see that your trying
The motions are true but they are not out of passionate love
That's something you can't undo
Go back to your child
The little kid you wanted so badly
I am a woman
I don't need a man
Unless he can give me the one thing I crave
A love that never fades
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Wrapped in duality
Beaten by pain,hate,doubt
Lost on the sea of self loathing
Like eagles they fly in
Gently they lift
Soul to sun
Rare and few are they
Always present when the darkness calls
Pulling away from the abyss
To life renewed
Thank you sweet angels
You know who you are
For being my life's bright
Without you I am empty
A shell of the whole
With you I am filled
Light,love, and hope
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
If the window to the soul was as clear as it could be
Would you bother to look inside
What would you see
Your eyes and words
Offer that window to me
I peer deeply
Pondering the vastness of all I see
Your beauty,power,love, and empathy,the depth of your heart
Contains love beyond belief
You give so much more
Than you ever dare to take
My soul honors your soul
All the beauty held deep within
Ponder now I must
Why can't you see it
When you look deep within
So turn I must the mirror
Peering at myself through your eyes
The vision becomes distorted
The me you see
I don't recognize
Where is that laughter
The smile, the heart
When I look deep within
They play no part
No beauty do I see
When I peer beneath my own skin
Maybe I just need to keep looking
Through the mirror
You hold within
Sunday, March 30, 2014
The endless echo of this existence
Caught amidst the wave of life
Thought creates action
Action creates reality
Yet we are all adrift on this same
Are we connected by the thoughts
Which shape our reality
Are you a life boat
Sent to rescue me
I do not need saving
If I can not swim alone
I would rather drown
But what if we could drift awhile together
Two lone vessels joined by an invisible tether
What then are we but two lost souls
Adrift on the same sea
I will think into reality
I will cast away doubt,shame,pain and leave them in this sea
As the salt and the water
Cleanse this soul to purity
When I reach shore
Then I will know who really was swimming with me
If our life is a product of all we think and see
Let's create a better reality
Thursday, March 27, 2014
An invisible light burning inside
You pull me from the darkness
Joined long ago
You had been forgot
But you were there all along
Your spark is mine
As I climb I remember
I reach for you
You pull me through
Your face a mystery
Yet I will know you when we meet
Your light is mine
Mine is yours
Joined yet separate
For being the other half of me
Although it is the half I never see
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Beauty in chaos
Growth beneath destruction
Easy it is so become trapped
In the ruble of what had beneath
Clear away the pieces
Look deep beneath
Uncover the beauty that remains
Strong enough to stand the fire
Bright enough to adapt
Let the shine flourish that seed
Feed it the love it so deseprately
Even from the most heinous
Hope and the seed of love remains
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Poison oozes from the fang he calls a tongue
Each word dripped
Arsenic coated lies
He bites at her heart
Time after time
the crazy thing about venom
In high doses it's lethal
But not small doses over time
She wonders if he believes them
The poison coated lies
Or if it's all he knows
Truth escapes his reply
She drinks his doses daily
Quietly at first she cried
One cold black morning
She discovered her heart had died
Now the venom stirs in her blood
She thinks she can control it
This poison consuming her veins
Blackened is her heart
Only the light of her soul remains
Sadly it grows dimmer with each passing day
She knows she is welting
But a change is coming too
So many open roads
unsure if which to choose
Afraid the poison has affected her mind
Trying to plan for a better place and time
He nods silently
The passing of each lie coated goodbye
Believing she still loves him
Not knowing that girl died
Becareful of the poison
Keep it out if your blood
Or pay the highest price
The loss of true love
Sunday, March 23, 2014
There was a time I thought I knew you but that was just a dream
A man beneath a mask
Once you removed it
My heart began to scream
The little voice has told me
Warned me all along
You couldn't be trusted
Your love was all wrong
Silenced beneath blind faith
Praying it wasn't too late
All your pretty words
Sealed my hearts fate
Now the voice shakes its head
My once red heart cold and dead
Mask down once more
You want it to be as before
Pitty the fool too blind to see
Reality evades the space between
Your pretty words no longer hypnotize flat are your wasted
Silly little lies
My heart has gone away
There it will safely stay
No more to be excised with the pain of your loves empty lies
Wear your mask
Laugh behind those eyes
Keep on believing
True love never dies
But your heart wasnt true
My eyes once again burn blue
Behind the mask I wear
Making you believe I really care
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
The air feels thick
The buzz if an unseen electrical current
Charged to deliver a life altering pulse
It clings to everything
Tangible, yet invisible
Building like a lightning bolt high
In the atmosphere
Change is on the horizin
Sweet,terrifying, exciting change
It's source as yet unknown
But its presence is felt
To the bone
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
If a soul is infinite
Time is just a landscape
What does the soul find
When it leaves this place
If thought creates reality
Is it belief that dictates
Heaven for a saint,hell for the sinner
A vast nothing
What if thought is all we are
Frozen briefly in a deteriorating form
Once free what we dream
Is all we are
Dream then of grandeur
Oceans vast and deep
Fuzzy kittens and butterfly wings
Dream of love that endures all time
Smiles that hold the magic of sunrise
Dream of passion
pulsating and wild
Create a world without war
If all our current
raw and unstored
Creates the pulse of eternity
Dive deep into the furthest recess of imagination
Pull from the very soul
Create a now that you would
Dream to live
Friday, March 14, 2014
I miss my team. I miss my sport. There are so many deep,fun,amazing people that have graced my life because of Roller Derby. Life has a way of giving us seasons,showing us something greater,and then moving us on.
I don't regret the decision to put my meager finances into my kids future I just wish I could do it all.
We give what we can to those we love. I am lucky to have had the season while it lasted. The people and sport will always be part of me. For now, I must move on.Here's to memories and hope for better days to come.
Inside of me,my alter ego that is an 8 wheel wearing badass who adores her little fans will always be alive.
I feel like Superman without a cape.
A piece of me is missing I hope one day it comes back.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
When pappa leaves and momma cries
I don't know what to do
Of course I've been through this before
More than a time or two
But Pappa doesn't understand
What it takes
To love a woman
So mommas crying again.
I try to laugh
Try to smile
It always makes momma better for a little while
I try to be strong
But it's really just pretend
I'm hurt and lonely wishing it would end
I can hear momma crying
On the other side of the door
Hear her heart breaking
There cant be too many pieces left anymore
I tell her to move on but not with another man
I can't bear the thought of being here again
Pappa doesn't understand
When he walks out the door he's not really just a man
He's still my pappa but I sit and pretend
It doesn't matter if he never wants to see me again
He's my Daddy
What I'll someday look for in a man
Now I wonder
Would he let a man like him take my hand
I can't beat the thought of being her someday
Daddy when you came back why didn't you stay
Why do you leave me alone and feeling blue
Daddy don't you know I need and love you too
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
A seagull in the city
Such a silly sight
Wings to fly away
Yet seemingly unaware of its plight.
Hints of ocean linger
Where the seagull walks about
Yet concrete is its pathway
A french fry in its mouth.
Silly little sea gull
Don't you know your name?
This life isn't the same.
The salt you crave is wild
The sea spray on your back
The world in which your standing
Will leave you lonely and fat.
Spread your wings while you can
I long to fly beside you.
Hurry now and go.
Before you feel lost and trapped
Like I do.
She's a basket full of contradictions
Wrapped in cellophane of indifference
Sealed with a bow of insecurities
But buried deep inside that basket
Is a heart of gold
Lips that taste like hunny
And a passion for love that would make aphrodite blush.
The key, caring enough to look deeper.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Passion lingers beneath the facade of trust.
Like a flower if unnurtured it will die.
Poison the soil in which it grows and it will wither away.
A womans heart holds the keys to the world.
Unlock her passion and your life will flourish with a wealth that can be neither bought nor sold.
Let her unfurl before you.
But be cautious.
Woman is both fragile and fierce.
It is within her to guide, support, and nurture all around her.
But her soul craves nurture as well.
It is through the love she recieves she is able to give.
Hold her in awe as the sunrise.
Show her the beauty she holds within your eyes.
Be true, be kind, be strong yet weak enough to show her your greatest strength is her.
Wisdom is knowing what you have when you hold it.
Once you let it go let it move on.
The woman you failed to cherish deserves a man who never lets go.
Monday, March 3, 2014
When life shatters at your feet
Do not despair.
Select carefully the pieces
And build your masterpiece from there.
For life the grand illusion
Bittersweet hides the divine.
Let your tears fall when needed
They wash away the pain
clearing the path for better times.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Words. They seduce,inspire,captivate,wound.
To have a love affair with mind.
Capture in a sentence the essence of a beauty, a feeling,a moment in time.
Framing the sunrise its myriad of technicolors awakening like a sleepy child,first peeking from beneath its cool blue safety only to explode across it with such vibrance it illuminates the world.
The sensual command of language. Exploring,imploring,evoking emotions hidden from consciousness.
Oh the sweet ecstasy of intellectual stimulation.
The capture of the heart through the mind.
Opening of two souls by mere conversation.
True power is not in pain.
It does not dwell within a coin or a trinket.
True power is in mastery.
Commanding with such force, such sweet eloquent skill, the use of language as to capture a soul for a moment or a lifetime.
The ability to move another so deeply to the very core of thier existence they feel what you feel,see through your eyes, hear the thoughts that rumble inside your mind.
If once ,however briefly , one becomes snared in the net of your words revel in the knowledge for a brief moment in time you mastered the art.
If even just one can feel, there is hope for immortality.
If there is hope for immortality then there too is hope for love.
If only a love affair with words.
His face haunts my mind
Urgency and need.
All the emotions missing for so long.
The memory dwindles
But burns deep inside.
Sweat drenches the sheets.
My hands shake.
Alone in darkness.
The memory of a face I dont know.
Whispers from a voice never heard.
The angel is gone.
With him hope.
Once. Another life.
He was exquisite.
And I was loved.
Or maybe he's just lost.
Searching for me.
Hope returns again.
Will he know me?
How many lives
Do I have left to live?
Friday, February 28, 2014
Deep down what do we all yern for?
What longing is it that pushes us
Through the darkness of lifes storms?
Deep down each of us wants one person to love us more than anyone or anything in this world.
We want to be the light in someones eye.
The smile crawling across their lips with just a thought of our name.
But love like that is rare,fleeting,precious.
Accepting an ending is simply accepting a new begining.
If fear of the unknown paralyzes us into stagnation we may never know.
Take the chance and end up alone or settle in comfort and emtpiness haunted forever by the ghost of betrayals.
Failure,like success, is not forever.
Gamble with your heart or welcome the warm blanket of emptiness.
When survival becomes emotional roulett spin the wheel and pray.
If your one of the lucky ones you'll find love one day.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Demons always there
Tugging in the furthest recess
As the tears fall
Never amount to anything
These are the demons reminding
No one will ever love you
No one ever has
Your own parents hated you
Before your first breath
Twice cheated on
You never even learned
How to love someone else
So they wouldn't let go
You're alone in this world
Always will be
Just the demons
Talking to me
Go ahead try it again
Maybe this time you'll get it right
The grand finale
Don't forget 3xs before
God and the devil
Didn't want you either
Alive or dead
Its all the same
No one cares
Or in the grave
Take a deep breath
Let the world spin by
Listen to the demons
Let yourself cry
Your life is a grand mistake
But its still your chance to take
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Life in exchange
Flowing like a river
Ebb and flow
Give and take
The transference of energy in each state.
With give pieces are lost
Filled only by chance
What give you
What gain you
Can you fill your soul
With the trinkets you take
Do you give your heart
To one who does more than take
The river is still wild
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Believe screams hope
Remember whispers pain
Listen utters soul
Speak demands ego.
Let go of the things that unravel
The hearts strings.
Listen only to the sweet song
The one that promises strength
If only you carry on.
Whisper into stillness
Trust in the greater path
Happiness will be lost
If given to vengence for the past.
The difference between vengeance and wrath is simple
One casts oblivion
The other blocks it out.
The word of one with honor
Never to be dismissed
Betrayal can be as simple as a kiss.
Closed eyes believe their own lies
Open believe in the perfect time.
Limitless are the life span
Of love, hate, and amends.
When least expected it comes
To an end.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Would you envoke the anger of angel and expect mercy?
Would you give hate and expect love?
Have you no concept of wrath?
As it harms none do as you wish.
Meddle in the affairs of greatness, covet that which you do not have, betray that which you do not understand, you open pandoras box.
A thousand years, ten thousand angers fall upon your head
For pain which you cause you will never shed.
She will haunt your dreams
Steal your hopes
Offer one small kindness only to see you fall.
Harm none is a lesson you will never forget.
You will bleed it from your very soul until only death will show mercy upon your blackened being.
Enter now the labrynth of eternity for which you have claimed.
A home and child you wished.
You shall have it, have it all and more and it will be the thorn in your side.
Scorned by society as if the A was enblazened upon your flesh.
Wrot in the skin with which you harm.
Burn in a thousand fires , let the light if your soul dwindle for your fire is now mine.
Claimed, consumed, flesh for flesh, lie for lie, you tried to harm that which you didn't know now you feel the death of your soul.
Third eye wide open
Glaring is the light unfolding
The demons pull
Wrenching apart the strings
A ragdoll caught by the seams
Darkeness pulling against the light
The struggling against these chains
Bucking into oblivion
Praying to all the gods
Mustnt give into the hate
So much pain inside
Crying for revenge
Praying instead to be merciful
There will be no return if darkness wins
There will be only bodies
Destruction will ovecome
Winding tight the tattered seams
Screaming into the light
Dont let me fall
Give me the strength of Thor
With mercy of saint christopher
Save me from these demons that scream
No more to act as the flesh
Higher purpose claim for all time
Fight against the sins of mankind
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Promise me a paper moon
A white wedding in the month of June
Promise me a faithful ride
Butterflies and a blushing bride
Promise me a paper moon
Laugh as the candle burns
Laugh as the season turns
Paper moon hang high up above
An empty lackluster love
I promise to never leave you alone
Promise me promise me promise me a paper moon
Silently one night filled day
Your paper moon
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Memories like ghosts
Haunting every moment
Days, seasons, years
Swept away at a blink
Just another ghost haunting me
Flashes of scents
Fragments slicing glass beneath the minds eye
Alone in haunting
Just another yesterday
Why must there always be
Ghosts chasing me
Thursday, January 30, 2014
The end draws nearer
A jagged knife of emotion
Letting go of the past
More like having it carved
From thr depths of my soul
Everything I dreamt
No choice but to move on
No more black and white
Trying to find Technicolor life
Praying the twinges of pain
Life on the single side
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Her fire is addicitive
She burns like a pheonix
Consuming everything with her touch
For so long she hid
Afraid the world would mock her
In the aftermath of wreckage
She found that spark
The light that makes life
The world go around
So she shines
Brighter than the noon day sun
Never again will her heart be dependant
On just one
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
A love that is true
Can not be seperated
By time nor distance nor strife.
It cleaves to the other
Like a life boat
As the waters of life churn around it.
It is the light house
Guiding the passengers
Safely away from imminent peril
Upon the jagged rocks of life.
Your love was a floaty
A false promise of safety
Leaving me drowning in the end.
You were the sweetest illusion
Yet your song never rang true
Bless the day she sailed away with you.
In the end
Is far better
Than drowing in two.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Reality crashes around me
Thunder of the ending
Hypontized for so long
Misery tainted hope
Crashing glass at my feey
Crimson with failing of my heart
My worst nightmares true
You never loved me at all
I will not fall
Crawl away now
A further shattered soul
Walk again I will
Smile again I must
But I will never feel again
Thursday, January 23, 2014
To stand truely bare
Infront of another
Opening yourself up so completly
The very beat of your heart
Escapes into their chest.
To the impossible
Blissful return of unyielding love
He turned instead to another
Will this soul be bare.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Searching for that lost voice
Buried beneath years of accumulation
Consumed by pain
Lost in the distance
She's here somewhere
I hear her
Small,lost like a child in the rain
I remember her roar
When she was strong,fearless
God she was beautiful
She glowed with love
Radiating it like sunbeams
Through the world
To know her
Was to hold the sun,moon,stars
Wrapped in one imperfect shell
Someone stole the sky
From her universe
With it the sun moon and stars lost their shine
How do i find her in all this darkness
How can i be the sky for my own sun
You can't change anothers heart
I take solace in the knowledge
The fire is burning again his eyes
Far brighter than the noon sun
But he took my light
When she lit his.
I need to hear that old roar
Feel the power of my own light once again
So i pray
Drown away the pain
Let me hear her sing once again.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Love is a lot like a woodstove. If you fan the flame, constantly giving it fuel but also air , it will keep you warmer than any other heat. But if you close it up, forget to nurture it, it will leave you cold to the core.
Men if you want to know the secret to a woman's heart it's simple, nurture her. Everyday (try) show her she is the most beautiful part of your world. Don't let the flame die down. Don't put your wood in a different stove. At the same time give her room to breathe. Let her be uniquely her and make sure she knows how beautiful that is. Not the outside beauty that time and life steals, the inside beauty, where the fire starts deep in the heart.
Treat her like the main source of warmth in your life and it will never grow cold.