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Monday, January 9, 2017


When I'm old and grey
What will the lines on my face say?

Will they smile from years of laughter?
Or will they turn down from years of tears?

Life goes so fleeting. Yet day to day seems long.

Always waiting for a miracle
Hoping true love will come along.

Once you think you may have it.
Only to watch it hold someone else more dear.

What will the mirror tell of me
When my final breath draws near?

Eyes have become dull from crying.
Lips always facing down.

What happened to the girl I once was
Before love I thought I found?

Will grandfather recognize me in valhalla?
Will the great Spirit turn me away
Because this world faded the light that brought me to this place?

Is it too late to write the lines now growing strong across my face?

How do I put the laugh lines into the frown lines place ?

What will the mirror say of me when breath makes its last escape ?


A thousand burning knives seer the heart
They cut so deeply the very fabric of soul is torn apart.

Use the superficial, my dear, to hide away emotion.

Lipstick to cover pain.

Mascara to blot the tears.

The world cares not for what is inside.
Hide the broken pieces away.

To be worthy of love one must be unbroken . Hide the truth from the light of day.

Smile Porcelain doll with the broken insides. No one cares how it hurts or how deeply you've cried.

Your hair must be brown,eyes of course brown too, your teeth must be white, your ass must sit in your jeanes just right, your boobs must poke out of your shirt but it can't be too tight.

Don't bother the world with the color of your soul .Words are too loud. The colors of them too bright. The canvas they paint is meaningless amongst the deaf.

All the world wishes to see is another porcelain doll.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

It is Now

The sky burns blood red, the ground black as coal. When the water that once nourished the land becomes poison it will mark the end of man.
Buildings will fall as leaves to the wind. The cries of mankind will be covered only by the collapsing of the land. The gods are watching hearts filled with hope their creation may find a way.
Greed must fall away. Love may win. Without change it will soon be the end. Children will never again know peace, plenty or feeling of full. The tables are turning , the wheels already in motion. Will we stand idly by and hasten the end?
If you could see the pain, desolation, despair, the void , loss , sadness to come maybe you would stop the wheel.
What do you choose? The time is now.
Light the fire or love one another?
When burning flesh fills the air, when blood taints the sky, when the ocean burns and rivers blackened dry, when cities crumble , wealth dissolves, children scream, and old men die, when the curtain falls it will be too late to ask why.

Sunday, October 16, 2016


There was a time everything I loved was destroyed . So I learned to love everything , even the destruction .

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Toxic Relationship

What is it like living in a toxic relationship? It is having the one thing you turn to for salvation be the one thing that destroys you completely . It is living in fear, anger, depression, and occasionally elation .

What many people do not understand is toxic relationships make you feel weak. They drain you , literally sucking the very life from your soul. So why do people stay? Because they want to believe it is fixable. They feel it is something within them that needs to be better. If they can only try a little harder.

But sadly the relationship is living in a hurricane that never blows away. The eye of the storm? The eye is sweet bliss, stillness, sunshine, the thing that keeps you holding on believing maybe ,just maybe, the storm has passed. It never does though. It stays calm just long enough to build more to destroy. Destroy it will.

Your self esteem becomes dependant on who they tell you you are. Depression becomes your life partner . Darkness wraps it's arms around every aspect of your life keeping you waiting for the light that is the eye of the storm. So why, why do they stay?

For each it is different. Some forget they have their own light. They don't need the eye of the storm to see beauty but much like Plato's cave they never venture out to see the beauty beyond the walls of the hell in which they live. Others believe that is all there is in life, pain, loneliness , longing for a love that never comes.

How can you help someone in a toxic relationship ? If it is you and you can see the storm in which you live know you deserve more . You need to love you. Yeah I know. "Self love" everyone talks about it but who has it and where do they get it from right?  It is literally what it says. Love yourself enough to go through the pain of letting go so you no longer hurt. Life will not be all sunshine and rainbows . You have to take the good with the bad. The difference is you do not have to be made to feel like the pain someone causes you is your fault. Ever.

You do not deserve to be lied to, cheated on , or physically and emotionally abused. Period. I hear you . "No one else will ever love me because I am broken." Yes they will. Your first real love must be your love for you. Why? Because right now you live in darkness. It is so heavy and all encompassing you can no longer see your own light. Once you find the strength to walk out of that cave you will come to see the beauty that surrounds you. You will shine. That light, the light that has kept you alive through this hell life, will grow and the right people will find you.

If you make it out , when you make it out, you must be vigilant in protecting that light. Never let the value of your life be determined by someone else's opinion of you . If you have read this through you are searching for answers. I hope this helps you find them. Please understand abuse doesn't always leave marks on your skin. The deepest cuts are very rarely visible to the world. You are worthy of love. You do not deserve to be hurt, cheated, lied to, belittled , or abused. Please , please get away from the storm.

If you need help escaping there is help available or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), available 24/7.