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Thursday, September 22, 2016

What no one is saying

First I want to say that I understand fully there will be people who will twist and select my words. To those who choose to do this YOU are part of the problem.

Now, for what everyone is afraid to speak out loud . This is 2016 America. As i write this the city of Charlotte has been on fire for two days. Citizens everywhere are screaming of injustice. Yet , we are more divided now than ever. Why?

I am not one to rush to judge. I gather facts from all sources and then form an informed opinion while listening and trying to understand every side of an argument. With that said , there is far too much unspoken beneath this issue.

"White privilege " has become a constant reoccurring topic through all this. Of course I have listened intently to those who claim they fear for their lives. What I have heard is simple; white people are just as frightened.

I remeber well growing up in a neighborhood that was culturally mixed and feeling the undercurrents of the previous fight for racial freedom. However, we were taught our friends were friends regardless of their skin. It was hammered into our heads to show respect for everyone. We were taught to be sensitive to the feelings of others for acts that happened long before our birth.

To this day ,my friends do not have a shade in my eyes other that the red beauty of their hearts. So why, why in this day and age are the undercurrents of white against black still so strong ?

In my search for this answer I recently read an article from a woman of color who is a Harvard graduate. First congratulations to her drive! That , for any woman, is a huge accomplishment because gender bias is still very strong in this country . She spoke of what it was like being a black woman growing up in America, the racial slurs, the opportunities earned that were treated as solely because of color . Guess what, as a white woman I experienced the same thing.

See that is what no one is saying. Racial slurs, saying a person accomplished something only because of their skin, assuming an individual is a certain way simply because of their color ,happens to white people too.

I can give specific examples that I personally lived through but it is of no point right now. What is the point ? When we see lights behind our cars we feel fear too. We don't know if the person walking up to our car will mistake us for a threat and shoot us any more than you do.

We don't know when we dial 911 for a domestic if the police will mistake us for the threat and end our lives . Racism is by definition the belief that members of each race possess characteristics or abilities speficic to that race especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race.

Let's think about that for a second. Racism is still very alive in America. Why? Because people choose to focus on what they think someone else has , does,or feels based solely on their skin. This is where people will get butthurt . It is not reverse racism to say "white privilege" . It is racism. Period. If you don't want to be judged by your skin dont judge mine. Simple . So now that we have realized equality is just that equal , let's get to the reason Charolette burns.

Our police , yes people ,your neighbors,friends, parents , sisters, and brothers that put on a uniform and go to work to serve and protect are killing innocent citizens. No I did not say a color and it's about time everyone stopped doing that too. Why? Why are they shooting first? To some extent ,it appears they fear that at the end of their work shift they will be in a pine box.

Let's face it , there is more anti blue movement in this country right now than any time in our nation's history. Fear is a powerful force. However it appears the problem delves much deeper. Is there a lack of training? Is it a lack of punishment for going above the law? Are we not screening and mentally supporting them enough? These questions need answers and solutions.

The one thing I know for certain is looting and burning a city does nothing but further the divide, give justice to injustice, and make brute force appear justified . Stop it!!!! Stop screaming it's a color thing. It is a breakdown in society and blaming any one race will not fix a dang thing.

Yes I know I'm "white" that doesn't mean I have not experienced police corruption. Experiencing police corruption does not mean I would wish death upon those who run in when everyone else runs away. When society collapses and lawlessness reigns who will you call for help ?

It is time to stop hating color, it is time to bury the hatchet of our ancestors and look at the society we have built now. Yes we have a problem. It is not a black problem . It is a society problem. It's time to take color out of the headlines and fix the problems . Period.

What no one is saying

First I want to say that I understand fully there will be people who will twist and select my words. To those who choose to do this YOU are part of the problem.

Now, for what everyone is afraid to speak out loud . This is 2016 America. As i write this the city of Charlotte has been on fire for two days. Citizens everywhere are screaming of injustice. Yet , we are more divided now than ever. Why?

I am not one to rush to judge. I gather facts from all sources and then form an informed opinion while listening and trying to understand every side of an argument. With that said , there is far too much unspoken beneath this issue.

"White privilege " has become a constant reoccurring topic through all this. Of course I have listened intently to those who claim they fear for their lives. What I have heard is simple; white people are just as frightened.

I remeber well growing up in a neighborhood that was culturally mixed and feelibg the undercurrents of the previous fight for racial freedom. However, we were taught our friends were friends regardless of their skin. It was hammered into our heads to show respect for everyone. We were taught to be sensitive to the feelings of others for acts that happened long before our birth.

To this day ,my friends do not have a shade in my eyes other that the red beauty of their hearts. So why, why in this day and age are the undercurrents of white against black still so strong ?

In my search for this answer I recently read an article from a woman of color who is a Harvard graduate. First congratulations to her drive! That , for any woman, is a huge accomplishment because gender bias is still very strong in this country . She spoke of what it was like being a black woman growing up in America, the racial slurs, the opportunities earned that were treated as solely because of color . Guess what, as a white woman I experienced the same thing.

See that is what no one is saying. Racial slurs, saying a person accomplished something only because of their skin, assuming an individual is a certain way simply because of their color ,happens to white people too.

I can give specific examples that I personally lived through but it is of no point right now. What is the point ? When we see lights behind our cars we feel fear too. We don't know if the person walking up to our car will mistake us for a threat and shoot us any more than you do.

We don't know when we dial 911 for a domestic if the police will mistake us for the threat and end our lives . Racism is by definition the belief that members of each race possess characteristics or abilities speficic to that race especially so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race.

Let's think about that for a second. Racism is still very alive in America. Why? Because people choose to focus on what they think someone else has , does,or feels based solely on their skin. This is where people will get butthurt . It is not reverse racism to say "white privilege" . It is racism. Period. If you don't want to be judged by your skin dont judge mine. Simple . So now that we have realized equality is just that equal , let's get to the reason Charolette burns.

Our police , yes people ,your neighbors,friends, parents , sisters, and brothers that put on a uniform and go to work to serve and protect are killing innocent citizens. No I did not say a color and it's about time everyone stopped doing that too. Why? Why are they shooting first? To some extent ,it appears they fear that at the end of their work shift they will be in a pine box.

Let's face it , there is more anti blue movement in this country right now than any time in our nation's history. Fear is a powerful force. However it appears the problem delves much deeper. Is there a lack of training? Is it a lack of punishment for going above the law? Are we not screening and mentally supporting them enough? These questions need answers and solutions.

The one thing I know for certain is looting and burning a city does nothing but further the divide, give justice to injustice, and make brute force appear justified . Stop it!!!! Stop screaming it's a color thing. It is a breakdown in society and blaming any one race will not fix a dang thing.

Yes I know I'm "white" that doesn't mean I have not experienced police corruption. Experiencing police corruption does not mean I would wish death upon those who run in when everyone else runs away. When society collapses and lawlessness reigns who will you call for help ?

It is time to stop hating color, it is time to bury the hatchet of our ancestors and look at the society we have built now. Yes we have a problem. It is not a black problem . It is a society problem. It's time to take color out of the headlines and fix the problems . Period.

The quest

I can not give up
For there are shores left unseen
Foods yet to taste
And the wind on a mountainside to feel.

It is not yet goodbye
For there is a love out there waiting
Oceans to cross
And wonders to explore .

My time can not be over
For the air in my lungs still longs to sing
My feet wish to dance
My soul longs to be freed.

What torture is this then
Trapped in stagnation
A body decayed
With a mind held captive by a wondering soul?

I will not surrender
For my time has not yet come.
Then suddenly I wonder
How many have passed
With life left undone?

The must still be time,
To steal a kiss from the moon,
To taste the wine of every shape and kind
And learn to laugh in a hundred languages too.

Grant me please goddess
A pass to return again,
Should this life suddenly come to its abrupt end.
How many times before have I made this request?
How many times more until I finish my quest?

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

The Ogre

The house was always clean and shiny. It sparkled through and through.
I'd leave my clothes upon the floor. Who picked them up I never knew.
Then one day the ambulance took momma away.
That was when the Ogre took over out place.

I'd laid my clothes upon the floor and that was where they stayed. Soon a huge mountain took over my space.
The dishes filled the sink. In a short time the house began to sink.
In the dark I lay at night a rumble echoed in the shadows.
My clothes began to move. The thunderous beat of my heart in my chest muted beneath his growl. 

Beneath covers I hid my head , silently I cowerd. A rumble from his throat the words split the air ," who built this beautiful smelly lair? Speak child I smell your fear!"

My eyes peered wide at the mountain of my clothes . Silently I prayed my voice still froze.
" well " said the ogre " it's my place now. "

He turned his attention away from my room and walked to the kitchen with a thunderous boom.
"Agh huh behold the sweet smell of rot! "

With a crash and a bang he gulped down all of the food we had forgot. The dishes rattled, fine china smashed. The garbage cans turned over with a boom and a crash.
I sunk from my bed and watched through the night as the ogre pillaged everything in sight.

Soon the sun peeked through the window sills. The ogre returned to the mountain and fell. Before he closed his eyes to sleep he spoke to my frightened silhouette ," remember child this is my castle now. Don't you dare clean up a thing. I love the way it perfectly stinks."

When I was sure the mountain of clothes would no longer move, the sun full in its morning glory filled my room. I sprung from my bed and gathered the clothes. Holding my breathe and my nose , I rushed to the washer and scrubbed them straight away. Then I folded them and put them properly in there place. 

Upon passing through the kitchen I remembered his delight and quickly, quite thoroughly washed everything in sight. Daddy returned with momma that day. She beamed with delight as they escorted her to her bed. I dare not speak a word of the ogre since then .although, I will never forget the frightening things he said. 

Know I know where my soiled clothes go. I hope momma never leaves or the ogre returns again.
(C) R.M. Brandon 2016

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

It's gone

It doesn't hurt anymore. It's the strangest realization. When the sound of their names, a picture, or even a place that used to reach inside your chest and pull apart the pieces of your heart no longer hurts. 
It happened today. I braced for that all too familiar shatter. I expected to feel that searing burning pain from the reminder that I gave all to someone who could ultimately never give all back to me. But it never came. 
For a moment I was bewildered. Why doesn't it hurt? Then I slowly realized it doesn't hurt because I'm over it. I don't know when it happened. I'm honestly not even sure how it happened. But apparently at some point in time I came to grips with the truth. 
Truth , now there's a word I've been saying a lot lately. It's amazing how many lies people can conjure about ones life. It's almost ironic in the sense the reality of a person is bad enough why embellish it? 
I have no time for anything other than real. I have no patience for people who wish to cast stones without even knowing what sins another is truly guilty of. I've lost the desire to accommodate small minds and idle gossip. 
Judge me . Hate me. See only part of the complexity that makes the whole me. I really don't care.i now realize it is possible and actually common to love someone without ever being their first love or soulmate. It is even more possible to see yourself, flawed,imperfect, human, and to love yourself regardless. 
I've battled depression and inadequacy for as long as I can remember. I strove desperately to win the favor of everyone close to me. Like the kid in gym class who is always picked last, I've been picked last far too many times. Why? Because I didn't value myself enough to stand in the right line? Maybe . because I honestly wasn't good enough to be picked at all? I no longer care to know.
I guess this is my way of taking myself out of the line. I will never wait to be chosen again. 
If you see my book on the shelf at the local bookstore and you pick up the book next to it instead, cool. If my husband leaves tomorrow for another woman, cool. If I'm eternally a disappointment to my parents here and above,okay. If my kids grow to seek out professionals to help them deal with their hideous mother,okay. 
Why would I possibly be okay with any of those things? Because I choose me. I still see my many faults physically, emotionally, and spiritually . I choose to love myself anyway. Why? Because I am the only one who lives in my skin. I am the only one who feels the searing pain of rejection or the exiliration of success. I am the only one who has to pick me out of the line. So when they pull those cards that used to hurt I can now smile. 
Today for the first time in forever , it doesn't hurt to be me. It doesn't hurt to be reminded of all who were chosen instead of me. From here and forever I choose to simply walk away from anyone or anything that doesn't see value in me,