What is it like living in a toxic relationship? It is having the one thing you turn to for salvation be the one thing that destroys you completely . It is living in fear, anger, depression, and occasionally elation .
What many people do not understand is toxic relationships make you feel weak. They drain you , literally sucking the very life from your soul. So why do people stay? Because they want to believe it is fixable. They feel it is something within them that needs to be better. If they can only try a little harder.
But sadly the relationship is living in a hurricane that never blows away. The eye of the storm? The eye is sweet bliss, stillness, sunshine, the thing that keeps you holding on believing maybe ,just maybe, the storm has passed. It never does though. It stays calm just long enough to build more to destroy. Destroy it will.
Your self esteem becomes dependant on who they tell you you are. Depression becomes your life partner . Darkness wraps it's arms around every aspect of your life keeping you waiting for the light that is the eye of the storm. So why, why do they stay?
For each it is different. Some forget they have their own light. They don't need the eye of the storm to see beauty but much like Plato's cave they never venture out to see the beauty beyond the walls of the hell in which they live. Others believe that is all there is in life, pain, loneliness , longing for a love that never comes.
How can you help someone in a toxic relationship ? If it is you and you can see the storm in which you live know you deserve more . You need to love you. Yeah I know. "Self love" everyone talks about it but who has it and where do they get it from right? It is literally what it says. Love yourself enough to go through the pain of letting go so you no longer hurt. Life will not be all sunshine and rainbows . You have to take the good with the bad. The difference is you do not have to be made to feel like the pain someone causes you is your fault. Ever.
You do not deserve to be lied to, cheated on , or physically and emotionally abused. Period. I hear you . "No one else will ever love me because I am broken." Yes they will. Your first real love must be your love for you. Why? Because right now you live in darkness. It is so heavy and all encompassing you can no longer see your own light. Once you find the strength to walk out of that cave you will come to see the beauty that surrounds you. You will shine. That light, the light that has kept you alive through this hell life, will grow and the right people will find you.
If you make it out , when you make it out, you must be vigilant in protecting that light. Never let the value of your life be determined by someone else's opinion of you . If you have read this through you are searching for answers. I hope this helps you find them. Please understand abuse doesn't always leave marks on your skin. The deepest cuts are very rarely visible to the world. You are worthy of love. You do not deserve to be hurt, cheated, lied to, belittled , or abused. Please , please get away from the storm.
If you need help escaping there is help available www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), available 24/7.