Through the flames

We lost our home to fire a few months ago. My youngest son has a pet tortoise that is his best friend in the whole world. When the fire erupted my first thought was to get the kids to safety . Once outside my son screamed for his tortoise that was right next to where the fire started. I ran back into the house and tried to get the little guy to no avail. The heat drove me back out the door where my oldest son commented he's right by the window we can break it! The part of my mind still in shock to the reality of what was happening hesitated briefly only to relent to the tears in my sons eyes. We subsequently broke the window , I dove in and pulled the tortoise to safety. That animalistic part of me took over and I ran back into the flames . To this day I'm not sure what I was trying to rescue, my cat Johnny who we lost in the fire, our basset hound Hooter who also perished, or every mermory that clung to the fire crested walls. I ran back in and was drove back out by the smoke and sheer heat atleast a dozen times trying to salvage what I could. 

 Looking back on that fateful day 6 months ago I still try to make sense of it. If my daughter hadn't needed emergency help for burns to her hands I would not have gone to the emergency room. I would not have been treated for smoke inhalation and may have lost my life to the after effects. Something occurred to me today , what I was trying to save in that fire might actually have been myself. Not the physical me that could very well have fallen victim on that day, but the warrior me that had surrendered a long time ago. 

 They say one can only know their true strength when they let the fire wash away all that is unnecessary. There is truth in that saying. On the other side of the Flames I am grateful for all that survived. I am also grateful I stood in the flames long enough to wash away all that I no longer need. In each of us there lies a greater power, a greater calling, a greater purpose. Some are lucky enough to find that calling and pursue it without ever facing a catastrophe . Others, like me, must stand in the flames to learn just how powerful we really are.