Sunday, May 13, 2012

A Life Unbroken

A life unbroken. It must exist. Other women talk about it. Homes without holes, children without pain, pets that stay alive. A life unbroken.

What is this then? What in this life is unbroken?
What was that movie? Groundhog's Day. Repetition. The star knew pretty quickly life was running in a huge circle and yet nothing changed the course. Stagnation.

If water never moves is it really going anywhere? Osmotically it is. But does it know it is losing and gaining even in its stillness? It is inatimate and therefore of no real signifigance. Or is it?
Every day is a circle. The sun rises and eventualy falls. Squeeze in as much as you can before the light goes out then do it all again.
A circle.

Fix the holes today,tomorrow there will be a new one. Replace the broken. Tomorrow it will be missing or broken. Give a child a smile. Tomorrow the eyes will again reflect the pain. Why?

Why do some girls get diamonds when others get coal? Why do some kids get families when others don't even get hope?
Is this purgatory?
If a cat gets nine lives and a person is only supposed to get one how am I back after three?
Or am I really alive?

What if this is just a nightmare? My body lays beneath the ground years long gone, but my mind has never accepted and moved on. But the tears that fall on my pillow at night feel wet. Can you feel in a dream?
Death wouldn't really be a dream just another level of existing. Maybe in death you can feel.

What did I do wrong in life then to be cursed to misery? I was young and proud. Naive and cold. Youth, I really didn't know. Now I do. Now I see.But wait its not all bad. If it was there would be no doubt. No. There are still moments so beautiful they can not be imagined.
There are moments of sunlight, rays of happiness, between each fierce storm front.

How does one fix a broken life without more breaking?
What does normal feel like?
Norman Rockwell painted it so beautifully. Was that just a dream he was living?

A darkness enfolds. Sunlight vaguely shakes. In this life circling broken for resolution I wait.

Waiting implies patience a lack of drive. None really apply. I do not wait, I fight. I try. To no avail with the next sunrise.

If dawn is to break on yet another broken day,save me the pain,let my body in bed remain. But what if I miss that moment of sun?

(C) RM Brandon 2012

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